Two birthday cakes, two birthday dinners, a kid’s bday party, a housewarming party, and the whole donut disaster.
I can’t even.
But I guess that’s the whole balance thing–finding a way to be social without hurting yourself. But all that social was a bit much for this introvert.
As was all the food.
Ugh.
Week 3.
Out of 21 meals…
I don’t even know. Really. I lost track. But I know I was out a lot. I know there was lots of pizza somehow. And cake.
Workouts- 2. And they were lame. One was pretending to trampoline with my kid. One was chasing his ass around the park while he tore off on his bike.
Low body moment: Chasing the kid. It hurt my body which just really made me feel out of shape. Which I am.
Accomplishment: Ummm….. Trampolining? It’s something that you think would be hard for the bigger set, but it actually wasn’t. Didn’t hurt my joints or my back. Pretty fun too.
Goals for this week:
Actually keep track of what I’m doing. How did I not even do THAT last week? It was only the third week?!?
I know.
Habit. Hard to form. Hard to break.
So my goal for this week–do things just for the sake of building a habit. Perhaps I can’t be instantly healthy. Perhaps I can’t completely change my eating patterns. Perhaps I lose focus on the longterm goal. But surely I can remind myself to do something for the simple goal of building a new habit.
Then it’s not about things that are months down the road. It’s about each step.
So I’m writing this blog about being healthy. And I had this completely unhealthy day yesterday.
Well, it had its healthy moments (oatmeal, bok choy). But I want to tell you about the unhealthy moments.
It all started with a trip to the grocery store a little too close to lunch. I was kinda hungry, but thought it would be a quick trip.
And not blaming her, but I talked to the BFF in the car for like, a half hour before I went into the store. So by the time I got out, I was starving. And nothing good happens when you are starving.
But back-up.
Remember I was writing about how habits are hard to change? Well, I have a habit of buying a donut to reward myself for grocery shopping. Which I’ve been successfully avoiding lately. But not yesterday.
Yesterday, I reached into the donut case to grab my donut. And my finger somehow dug into another donut behind the one I grabbed. Yes. I use the paper. But I am a klutz and what can I say.
Well, I couldn’t just leave a donut there with my germs gouged into it. That’s gross. So I bought it too.
And somehow, I ate BOTH of them when I got home. (boo.)
But.
I also was starving by the time I got out of the store with my 2 donuts. And instead of just contenting myself with one (or two) donuts, I got Wendy’s on the way home.
It’s right there in the HEB parking lot. It’s taunting me.
And I gave in.
So to recap. Yesterday for lunch I ate:
Wendy’s nuggets and fries.
Two donuts.
And then I made THIS monstrosity for my husband’s b-day.
He wanted to relive his childhood, and I basically Pinterest failed that shit.
I managed to not eat any while I made it. Ya’ know, I was full of donuts and nuggets.
But clearly the whole family was slamming Little Debbie treats after dinner.
These bad choices… they happen.
But it’s the unintended consequences that really piss me off.
Like that I was supposed to go to kickboxing yesterday afternoon with the hubby. And I couldn’t because my tummy was on full revolt from the nasty crap I’d fed it.
I sabotaged myself. In two ways–bad food, no workout.
So first I was going with It’s So Hard to Say Good-bye To Yesterday. But that’s about death.
And silly me, I worry about jinxing my child into an early death.
My kid just ripped out my fucking heart when I dropped him off at daycare, and now it’s all I can write about.
Which I think is telling. It’s really hard to stick to your goals, stay focused on health, when there is emotional drama in your life.
But anyway.
This kid. I kept him home yesterday to go to the ENT (his ears are awesome, yay), so this morning he was all flabbergasted to be going back to daycare.
And he pulls that “don’t go, mommy” shit a lot. At daycare. At bedtime. When I have to go poop…
So you know how everyone talks about eating kale, the all-powerful super food?
According to Michael Murray in The Encyclopedia of Healing Foods, “Kale and collards are essentially the same vegetable, only kale has leaves with curly edges and is less tolerant to heat.” (p.209)
Hipsters, soul-food enthusiasts… unite.
I just cooked with collards for the first time. And they tasted alright. But…
I feel like I made some progress this week, according to my metrics. But in terms of how I feel and how my body will change, it’s hitting me that it’s going to be a long road. Which is cool. Yet frustrating.
I wanna have more energy NOW. I wanna be able to chase my kid NOW. Especially since that’s becoming his favorite game. Ya’ know… nanny nanny boo boo, you can’t catch me.
But change is hard. I was just talking to a friend about habits. How something that used to be a treat, the cupcake once every few weeks, starts to become more and more regular.
I’m just telling you so you’ll understand
This is me, sincerely
Doin’ the best that I can
This song, also not previously part of my music library.
But so happy I found it. It’s speaking to me today.
Are you suffering from allergies?
Do you live in Austin? Then the answer is probably yes.
I lay down last night to rest my weary head and immediately felt all this pressure in my ears. “Can adults get ear infections?” I wondered.
This morning, when I woke up unable to breathe out of one nostril and with a sore throat, I realized–allergies. My head is full of snot because I live in Austin and the damn trees are blooming in mid-February because we apparently are just skipping winter this year. It hasn’t even gotten below freezing once, I think.
So I take my Zyrtec and my Nasacort everyday and I am still dying. I am thinking of my friend right now who prefers to avoid medications, and I’m wondering if she’s up and moving, or just hiding in her room with a face mask and duct tape around all the windows.
Because this is brutal. Not only does it make my face hurt, and make my eyes itch, and make my throat scratch. It makes me so fucking tired. Like, someone bring me a plate of pancakes in bed because I ain’t doing shit today.
But oh no. The kiddo would never allow that. So up I am.
And I remember this:
Which looks really goofy, but it’s AMAZING. Like a neti pot, but way easier. And whoa boy does it clean out your sinuses. I won’t go into details, but there’s a reason my head felt ten pounds lighter after using this. Which made me think of this disgusting MTV ad.
So if you are suffering from allergies, I highly recommend you go to your local grocery store or pharmacy, go to the nasal distress isle, and pick one of these bad boys up (the sinus rinse, not the gross guy in the commercial). And while you’re there, get some
DISTILLED WATER.
Don’t use tap water because you don’t want amoeba or whatever up in your brain. Which leaves you with either buying distilled water, or boiling tap water to kill everything in it. But then you have to let that cool down. Because you don’t want to burn the inside of your nose. Ouch.
So once you have distilled/boiled water, you heat it up in a clean cup in the microwave for like, 20 seconds. Then pour it in the plastic bottle, add the package of salt that comes with it, and you’re set.
Lean over your sink and start squirting away. Well, really, you just squeeze for a second, then you’ll know your sinus is full because the water is coming back out. Stop. Blow the water out. Repeat.
I know, it’s gross. But do it in private, don’t blog about it, and then enjoy your day without all the snot.
You can do it at night before bed (I have no idea if it’s ok to do it twice a day, but it’s just salt water). Then you can have an easier time breathing while you sleep.
Get your nasal rinse on, people!
And shout-out to my new doctor, Dr. Kolte, at Flora Medical Clinic for introducing me to this product!
Back in the day, I got really into this kickboxing class. I wasn’t so much into the classes where we did pad work and performed little punching routines, but I LOVED the classes where I just spent an hour beating the crap out of a bag. Yeah, those were punching routines too. But I didn’t have to worry about breaking anyone’s nose.
This was when I weighed my least as an adult. Like, post-college adult. Because now that I’m all old and 35, I’m going to go ahead and call college kids, kids. I weighed 165 and was feeling pretty fucking confident. It was right after my solo hiking trips. After I’d realized I was ready for a husband, not a boyfriend. And right around the time I met said husband. Coincidence? I think not–you feel confident, you get out there, you talk to people. Sometimes to just the right people.
Any hoot. When we saw this 30-minute kickboxing place open up near our house, the hubby and I were pretty excited. He’s ex-Krav Maga guy, so he likes to hit shit too. We decided to try it out.
Here’s how it went for me.
The setup is a 30 minute workout broken down into 9 rounds. Each round is 3 minutes, with 30 seconds of some sort of other activity in between rounds. It’s variety. It keeps you moving. And you get to punch and kick.
It’s a chain. See if you have one near you!
It starts with a warm-up: jumping rope. Luckily, I’d worn my most supportive bra. I start slinging rope, though I haven’t jumped in years. And OMG. There is nothing like watching yourself jump rope in a mirror when EVERYTHING on your body is jiggling. I know, I know. Body positive, accept yourself. But I’m human. And somewhere in there is a shred of pride. That’s not the right word. I’m proud I was doing it. It’s ego. And this was brutal to my ego. But on I jump. And trip. A lot.
The next 8 rounds are a variety of core work and punching. I have no core. I’m pretty sure the kiddo ripped out my stomach muscles while being born. I’m actually like “What’s the alternate activity?” because I CAN’T reverse-bridge and lift up an arm. Let’s be honest, I can’t reverse bridge. It’s a reverse sag. But once again, blow to the pride ego that I have to ask for the baby activity.
This workout is way more intense than my walks around the block. I’m having to “walk it off” quite a bit so I don’t just pass out alongside the heavy bag. Meanwhile the hubby’s all “this one is an easier one.”
But damn.
It felt good to punch. And kick. And just move. My hips were all loosey goosey by the time we walked out. In a good way. Like I freed them from chains.
And to be clear, the only judgement happening in this gym was coming from me. And perhaps my husband who was mainly trying to judge if I was about to die or not. Everyone else working out was busy sweating–there was even another lady as large as me. Everyone who worked there was just supportive and offering the occasional technique tip.
I think this is the kind of exercise that many of us heavier people are scared to jump into. We think, “When I lose 15 pounds, I’ll try it.” “When I can fit into size____, then I can jump up and down.”
But as sore as I am the day after, as embarrassing as it felt at times, it also felt really good to just do it. Even if I sucked at it. Even if I looked weak and uncoordinated. Even if I spent more time catching my breath than actually working out. (OK, it wasn’t quite that bad.)
I still DID IT. I moved. And though I still don’t know everything that the body positive movement is about, I know they believe you shouldn’t hold yourself back, or feel judged, because of your size.
But for me, the real truth is in feeling all the embarrassment and self-conscious bullshit, and doing it anyway. At least that’s where it’s got to start. Because I’m not going to magically grow some confidence testicles. (ok, not testicles) I’m going to earn it by proving to myself that I can try something new, and that it’ll be ok.
Now let me clarify. This song was not previously part of my music library.
But holy crap it’s so amazingly terrible.
And let me further clarify that there was NOTHING sexy about what was going on in my kitchen. Case in point:
This is from today, but this is totally how it looked.
Vegan Valentine’s was a success. My family and I ate plant-based meals all day. And we lived. Here is what I learned, in no particular order.
1. Vegan food can be yummy food. For Vegan Valentine’s I made: oatmeal (I had to start easy, ok?), a green smoothie, Ginger-Sesame Tofu, Vietnamese Rice Noodle Salad, Creamy Black Bean and Cilantro Dip, Fire-Roasted Salsa, Roasted Chickpea and Broccoli Burritos, and Crispy Millet and Peanut Butter Buckeyes. The dessert was obviously the best part. But it was all good. The family ate it. Even the kiddo. I think I had a hard time judging it just because I had been the one to cook it–I was kinda numb to the flavors by the end of it all.
2. Cooking is exhausting. Now this is mainly my own fault. I chose to cook six new recipes (a couple were just dips… but still). Recipes that required fresh ingredients and therefore lots of peeling and cutting (I hate you cilantro). It takes a while. I just wanted to pass out by 8:00. For the future, it’s ok to start simple, stupid.
3. If you aren’t flavoring your food with meat and grease, you are flavoring it with onions and garlic and other spices. And that shit will stay with you. Like all night and into the morning. We both woke up with the worst morning breath EVER.
4. Take shortcuts. Why the fuck did I take the time to make my own salsa on top of everything else? I don’t know. Maybe because my BFF makes such a damn fine homemade one (mine was not as good). But with everything I was trying to cook, this would have been one to cut. Same thing for the carrots. Why did I cut my own matchstick carrots? They were more nicely sized than the store-bought variety. But damn. Save yourself some time.
5. Cholesterol FREE! I tracked my meals in My Fitness Pal just to see how I did–what nutrients I ended up short on and how many calories I ate. And I momentarily freaked out when I saw that I ate ZERO cholesterol. No animal products, no cholesterol (duh). But I DO know that the body needs cholesterol. A quick Google led to this website. Apparently cholesterol is so important, your body will just make it out of whatever you eat. Yay!
But…
6. The article also made the argument that it’s CARBS, NOT MEAT, that is sending our LDL through the roof. Remember, I wrote about how bad meat is? Well now this woman is saying it’s sugar triggering your insulin, which tells your body to grow, which means make new cells, which means make more cholesterol float around in your blood. (Cells need cholesterol to hold them together.) This just made me wanna say FUCK IT and eat whatever I damn well please. But as my BFF pointed out when I told her about this project: “If you research enough, you’ll find out you can’t eat anything. So just eat in moderation.”
7. I am the messiest cook. Ever. Did you see the sink picture above? That’s not from a week of me being lazy. That is one day of us eating at home (though not V-day). I somehow used just about every dish in the house when I cooked. Is it bad planning? I don’t know. But the dishwasher was running nonstop this past Sunday.
And this is how I utilize the counter.
Gross. I know. But I’m cooking here. I don’t have time to clean as I go.
8. You can overeat, no matter what you eat. According to My Fitness Pal, I still ate over 2,000 calories this day. I’m going to primarily blame the rice noodles. And the chips I used to eat my black bean dip. Neither of these are nutritionally helpful. I was going with the rice noodle thing to get some carbs, but I got plenty of carbs anyway. And in the end, I am still just programmed to overeat. For dinner I could have probably been fine with one taco, but when do you eat just ONE taco? We’re Americans. We don’t do that sort of thing.
9. I got 84% of my calcium without ANY dairy. Which blew my mind. I had no idea plants had so much. Now, it’s not enough (it’s not 100%), but it was way more than I predicted. I grew up with my mother, the rabid, avid milk drinker. She has been freaking out any time I tell her I’m researching a vegan diet. She sees my bones crumbling before her eyes. Like, when I was 7 years old and I broke some tiny bone in my foot jumping into a pool (and yes, there was water in it). Her universe got destroyed–how could I, her milk-drinking daughter, break a bone?!? So I wanted to show her it might be possible to not live and breathe milk. I call her to tell her my astounding news–that I got 84% of my calcium without a drop of milk, and what does she say? “It sounds like you’re 16% short.” Which is true, but I think just illustrates how scary this is to her. We grow up with these preconceived notions about nutrition, and it’s just hard to change. But so far, she might be KINDA right. Based on my day, I probably need some dairy to get my full calcium requirement.
10. And finally, Thug Kitchen is definitely one of my favorite cookbooks. Thanks for the delicious recipes (all of the foods listed at the top except the oatmeal and the smoothie)! If you haven’t seen it, check it out. They curse while they cook. Like, “You know what an enchilada looks like, so handle that shit.” I find it comforting, like I’m cooking with a friend. Ok, none of my friends curse that much. So try it, and it’ll be like you are cooking with me. I curse like a sailor.
Come see me tomorrow when I either write about the super painful deep tissue massage I got, or the super painful kick-boxing workout I tried. Hmm… which of THOSE do I want to relive?
