Be careful what you wish for ’cause you just might get it
You just might get it

First, let me confess that I am a bit notorious for misunderstanding lyrics. So I’ve always heard:

I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have BOOBIES

Instead of groupies.

But more importantly. Remember when I wrote about feeling all pumped up to take on my life as a housewife and take care of my family?

Boy did life call bullshit on me.

The last week has been the worst/hardest/most upsetting week since I quit my job.

Everything went wrong and stressed me the eff out.

I hit a car in the daycare parking lot. And now I have to see that dad. Everyday.

My dog got ACL surgery which involved a doggie epidural. Did any of you even know that was a thing? And they took him back before I even got to hug him goodbye.

His aftercare involved icing his knee and massaging his leg.

Go ahead. Laugh.

My husband was traveling through all this and was having his ass handed to him at his work conference. And then he got sick.

My child went on some weird marathon whining streak.

Husband came home from hellish work conference, sick. So I kinda just had a third child to take care of on top of the kiddo and the doggie.

And then I was done.

I needed a break.

But I couldn’t freaking have one because I had declared myself the rock and the husband was still sick and miserable.

So I tried to keep doing it.

I really did.

But I got resentful and mad and then silently leaked tears out of my eyes at Jason’s Deli when 1) they couldn’t comprehend packing my food in to-go containers because we always have leftovers and 2) didn’t put lettuce and tomato on my sandwich.

So I quit.

I called the husband away from his work, told him to get his ass over to Jason’s Deli to watch the kiddo eat his mac-n-cheese at the pace of a sloth, and then I went home and had a proper cry.

Oh.

And then I discovered I didn’t freaking take my meds that day.

WTF, life?

And I know. People have it way worse and this is nothing to many.

But all that does is make me feel weak and beat myself up for not being stronger. More rockish.

It’s upsetting to discover that all my baby steps still just lead to a pile of rubble.

But.

I refuse to end on that note. Though I think it’s a pretty good line.

I have to leave it on a note of hope.

So. I took my meds today. It’s sunny. I get to rant at my therapist about all this nonsense in 40 minutes. And my breakdown finally got me out of having to be the one to get up with the kiddo in the morning. For the first time in pretty much EVER. So yay to my fifteen minutes of slowly waking up.

Here’s to climbing out of the trough. One baby step at a time.