“I’m a bitch, I’m a lover, I’m a child, I’m a mother.

I’m a sinner I’m a saint…”

 

 

Unlike Meredith, here, I’ve mainly defined myself by two titles in my adult life- teacher and mother. Though mother is only 3-yrs-old, it sits heavier and is more consuming than any other role I’ve chosen. Do I love it? Sure. And I think I’ve gladly had my life overrun by motherhood- for no other reason than that was the easiest way to get through it. But now that I’ve gotten some sleep, gotten through potty training(ish), gotten through grad school, gotten through a dying mother-in-law, I find myself with the time and energy to realize that this is a pretty limited existence. Mother. Teacher.

Ask my friends. My husband. I pretty much suck at those roles. And hobbies? Taking care of me? What are these words coming out of your mouth?

I have devoted myself tirelessly to these two roles- as it turns out, at the expense of my health, self-love, and any semblance of balance in my life. I am unhappy and unhealthy.

Can’t-walk-around-my-neighborhood, prozac-taking, panic-attack-having, unhealthy.

And since I can’t very well give up being a mother, I gave up being a teacher. Which kinda feels like walking around naked. Who am I if not a teacher?

I am 35 and am probably having some sort of late quarter-life crisis or early mid-life crisis. My mother votes for late quarter-life because “I’ve always been behind.”

Either way. This is my big do-over. I will find health and happiness- and I suspect the two are highly correlated. Join me on my journey through new foods and workouts. Wade with me through the research that will answer my questions:

What is health and what role does obesity play? Can you truly be healthy at any size? And what size do I need to be to be able to DO the things I want to do with this body? And I don’t mean wear a bikini. I mean chase my kid, hike in Yosemite, and have energy for sex on a regular basis.

I’m E-J. And this is my blog about finding health, about losing weight- both the number on the scale and the figurative weight that holds me back from trying to do and be what I want. You know- the fears, the bad habits, the donuts. Come join me on my journey!